Been awhile....

So ya..it's been awhile.  Lots has been goin' on in "Aim's Goings On"!  lol  *snort* 

You all know me..I'm an open book.  However, I was talking to a dear friend of mine tonight, and we were talking about how we are both open books, love to talk...BUT have walls we put up in certain situations.  Many of you may have noticed I've been acting different or posting "strange" things on Facebook (got LOTS of messages...btw, thank you so much for caring!!!  Means a lot!!) that have been down right depressing.  Well guess what?

I've lost it.  I have finally broke and am having a nervous breakdown.  No lie.

I'm off work for a few weeks to go to some therapy sessions...I've been placed on medication...yes, I'm weak.  However...when I am weak...He is STRONG!  YES, Jesus loves me b/c the bible tells me so!

This has happened according to my primary care physician and also the therapist I'm seeing, due to an accumulation of occurances that have happened in my life.  I've been building my walls...more and more..higher and higher until they finally fell down! 

I have a massive mountain ahead of me.  I need some peace.  I need some rest.  I need to not think.  I need time to grieve.  I need a break from life to "get it together".  Some always have it all together...nuh uh..not this girl doesn't.  I used to!  I used to keep an immaculate home.  I used to love to decorate.  I used to keep up on chores.  I used to enjoy things in life and now I can't even go to them!   I've been through a lot these past 3 years or more.  Too much to list and probably for anyone to understand unless you've been through it.  What do I get?  A nervous "breakdown"....FINALLY.

Depression/Anxiety is a disease.  In my case, it's hereditary.  My Grandma had it, my Uncles have it..my Mom has it.  Everyone has a choice on how they deal with it.  Everyone has anxiety to a certain extent but some brains know how to dismiss it.  Mine doesn't!  Yay me!  SO....I have to (and WANT TO)  learn how to deal with it and "calm" it down.  I am NOT going to live like this the rest of my life.  I want my "normal" life back!  I know there will be changes, etc.  However, there are no medications out there that will cure this mental issue.  Yes I said mental....yes it means I'm "mental" now I guess.  So what?  There are millions of Americans and peeps all over the world who are quote "mental" they just don't talk about it.  They're ashamed.  Like I said...I'm an open book. 

On a good note...you may have noticed the picture to the right of your screen.  I mean the top one (I know your eyes automatically go to the second one..heehee).  That would be our new Bella.  She's now a 10 week old Chow Chow puppy.  Yes puppy.  We found her down near St Louis.  We have grown to love her so much.  We really weren't sure we were making the right decision, but now we know we have.  She's got SUCH a personality.  So different than Brandy.  Which is a good thing.  Like my brother said, Brandy is Brandy and Bella is Bella.  So true it turns out too!  She has a super ticklish spot on her belly...which is hilarious.  She is having issues biting right now.  Oh and "marking her territory" in the living room.  She goes potty and poops outside..she goes to the door or yelps at us when she has to go...so that's good.  But every once in awhile...she must smell Brandy and she is taking over the house!  We HAVE to put a stop to that!  heehee  Working on the nipping/biting issues.  I know she's just a puppy and that's what they do and all that..but on the other hand...she's a Chow and they tend to have a negative temperment and I don't want that with her whatsoever...we want her to obviously be a good, sweet doggie! :D  Then we also do not wish our furniture be destroyed as well.  Sooooo, we have lots of work to do with her.  We've already decided that this is our first AND last puppy.  From now on, we will be getting a dog about 8mths or older!!!  haha!  After the puppy phase!!  LOL  But it's helped me with her home..I've got company again.

I still talk to Brandy.  (I said I was mental)  I purchased a new, very pretty oak and velvet box for her ashes.  It has a plate engraved on the front of it that reads: "Our Brandy Girl" 8-28-96 - 10-8-10  then the third line says, "You Are Our Sunshine".  Like I said, I used to sing that to her all the time.  She loved to hear me sing for some reason??!!  We miss her like crazy everyday.  I talk to her and ask her to multiply her sweetness and send some down to Bella.  We tell Bella about her "big sister" all the time.  So by now...they both..as well as you all..think I'm nuts.  See above!  teehee

That's all that's new for now.  I have to do some journaling for my therapist.  So I might be back fairly soon. 

Please pray for me...that I will be able to conquer, in Jesus' name, this debilitating "disease" combo I've got goin' on.  I just want to be "my normal" again! 

Thanks for reading!  and...

Keep on goin' on!
Love,
Aim